SF Battery has a long and prestigious history dating back to the mid-aughts, when team founder Forest "Yes, I Will Take That Free Kick, Thank You" Dickey packed up seven pairs of Wisconsin-Red Umbros and an old Coed Naked Soccer t-shirt, stuffed them into a trash bag, and moved to San Francisco.
Playing with several teams over the course of a few years, he enjoyed the high level of play, but -- being a furniture maker by trade and thus naturally lazy -- did not love attending weekly practices. One day after practice, he sat next to Stuart Poole drinking a Citrus Cooler Gatorade Stuart had stolen from work and posited the question that would form the very backbone of the SF Battery's motto today: "Wait dude -- what if we put together a team that DIDN'T practice?"
And thus -- on that practice field under the motto: "No practices, No d-bags" -- SF Battery FC was born. Starting in the lowest league (as is necessary as a new team), Battery won promotion an unprecedented two out of the first three years in its existence (a first in SFSL history) and now finds itself in the Majors division closing in on another promotion while battling against teams with multiple practices, teams, coaches, and those expensive practice pennies you're supposed to wear on the sidelines.
And though Forest has since left us for the much more earthquake-susceptible confines of Seattle, we go forward into battle each week comforted by his parting words, "No seriously guys, everyone really needs to pay me." Indeed, Forest. Indeed.